Last Saturday another tree fell on our pickup truck. Well acually about a 3rd of a tree fell on the truck. There was a tree with 2 tops in the circle drive. Then it got very windy. I was standing over by the rabbit (a VW car, not the animal), as dad had just got back from the Art Station, and was watching when the top of the tree just kind of detatched from the trunk and fell down, through the power line, and onto the hood of the truck. The truck sort of jumped and rocked a little and the tree was leaning quite a lot in the other direction. The power line was laying on the ground. The mast for the power line was bent into a sort of L shape.
We called the power company and they said that they already had somebody in story to investigate a power outage. Around 6 o'clock or so 2 men showed up from over by Phillipses' old house. They said that when the tree fell it yanked the pole so hard that it pulled one of the main wires loose from the pole further back. They got back about 8 o'clock after fixing the wire on the other pole. They where here until about 10 and managed to string the power line on the ground to the house so that we would have power over the weekend.
Since the mast was bent and we had to replace it, not to mention that the insulation on the wires had been cut on the side of the mast, we had to have some electricians come and replace the wires and had to file some sort of permit too. We had a different pipe that was the same as the bent mast so when the electricians came Wednesday with the wire they where able to get it pretty much all set up. They even hooked the power back up temporarily so that we had power until the power people arriver about an hour later. They finalized it and made sure that everything was hooked up correctly.
The truck still runs, but we may have a little trouble getting the hood open. The tree also partially ripped the passenger side rear view mirror off. I think we need to find a different parking spot for the truck, as it has had 2 trees fall on it in the course of just a few months.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
The nearly dead gosling
This morning my sister discovered one of my younger goslings hanging from the fence by it's foot. I am guessing that the little bird was trying to get through the fence and into the doe pen, as there is some grass in there, and got caught in the fence. There are 2 layers of fence, about 4 inches apart, in the doe pen. One is about 6 feet high and the other is maybe 2 and a half feet high. I think that the goose probably managed to climb a foot or two up the fence before it found a hole that it would fit through. When it managed to squirm through the hole it fell down on top of the other layer of wire and got it's legs tangled up in it. Then it couldn't get free and ended up spending what I think was most of the night hanging head down by it's leg caught in the fence.
This morning Keely was over by the milk parlor and happened to look over across the doe pen. She saw a 'ball of grey fluff' caught in the fence and went over to investigate. A minute later she was yelling for me to get over there as she had found a dead gosling. When I got over she said that she thought it was still alive. I rushed over and disentangled the unfortunate gosling from the fence. It was still alive but it was very lethargic and it's had turned rather purple. We put it in the goose pen and it started to hobble around a little. It's leg is still very stiff but it seems to be getting better. At least we found it, as if we hadn't found it this morning then who knows when we would have found it. It would have almost certainly have been dead when we did, that is for sure. I now have to decide if I should lock up the young goslings so they don't go running around at night when the gate is shut or go around and try to fix all the things that they could get hurt on.
This morning Keely was over by the milk parlor and happened to look over across the doe pen. She saw a 'ball of grey fluff' caught in the fence and went over to investigate. A minute later she was yelling for me to get over there as she had found a dead gosling. When I got over she said that she thought it was still alive. I rushed over and disentangled the unfortunate gosling from the fence. It was still alive but it was very lethargic and it's had turned rather purple. We put it in the goose pen and it started to hobble around a little. It's leg is still very stiff but it seems to be getting better. At least we found it, as if we hadn't found it this morning then who knows when we would have found it. It would have almost certainly have been dead when we did, that is for sure. I now have to decide if I should lock up the young goslings so they don't go running around at night when the gate is shut or go around and try to fix all the things that they could get hurt on.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Beeper and the explosive cookies
Beeper was bored. There was nothing good on TV, most of the shows were just dumb goodcar stuff, and the rest was either incredibly stupid or he had already seen it. He had already played several of his computer games and he didn't feel like playing any more. Besides, he had broken his keyboard in half when Bop beat him in one of his racing games. Bop had thrown a can of glue onto the track about 6 inches before the finish line and Beeper had become stuck in the glue. Then Bop just drove up him like a ramp and won the race.
When badcars are bored they often times resort to doing what badcars do best. Causing trouble.
Beeper had a bin of small pressure sensitive explosives in one of his weapons rooms and he loaded up his trunk with some of those. Then he drove off towards Goodside. First, he decided, he would pay Skeeper's house a visit. Skeeper was his biggest enemy and besides, Skeeper had a computer. Beeper thought he might cause Skeeper a little trouble and possibly borrow Skeeper's keyboard to replace the one he had smashed. When he reached Skeeper's house he slipped around to the back and drove over to the back door and tried to open it. It was locked, of coarse, so Beeper pulled one of his burglary items out of his trunk. A battery powered drill. Beeper went to work on the lock and in under a minute he had drilled out the lock. Eventually somebody would notice that the door knob was slightly loose, and that there was a large hole in the outside knob, but Beeper really didn't care.
He pulled the door open and slipped inside. Looking around, he saw that he was in a smallish entry way that appeared to open into a kitchen. Driving to the door, Beeper peaked out into the kitchen, which appeared to be deserted. He saw, sitting upon the counter, several large pans of cookies, just ready to be put into the oven. Beeper sat and thought for a moment and then drove over to the counter. Opening his trunk, he selected the largest cookie sheet and started pushing tiny land mines down inside each cookie. He continued to do this for about 5 minutes, until he heard somebody approaching. Closing his trunk he shot out of the kitchen and ducked into a small shower room outside. Peeking out the doorway he saw Skeeper drive into the kitchen and put the cookies in the oven.
"Oh my, these look so good," Skeeper said, "The cars at the meeting tonight will just love them."
Beeper grinned and drove quietly out of the room and off down the hallway toward Skeeper's computer room. He decided that first he would borrow the keyboard and then he would do some more mischief in Goodside. He would halve to remember to come back around when Skeeper's meeting started. Unless he was much mistaken some Goodcars would be getting their teeth blown out that evening.
When Beeper reached Skeeper's computer room he drove straight over to the computer and removed the keyboard. The computer was still on and emitted a loud beep when he pulled the keyboard plug out. Grumbling, he drove out of the room and into Skeeper's bedroom. He was feeling a bit hungry so he drove underneath Skeeper's huge bead and proceeded to knaw the underside of the bed so that anyone who got on it would fall right through it. Then he drove over to the light switch and removed the cover. Being careful to stay away from the wires, Beeper inserted one of his explosives and then put the cover back on. As he drove out of the room he wondered how Skeeper would like his light switch blowing up when he turned the light on next.
Beeper drove around the house a little more and rigged about 10 more light switches. Then after wedging an bomb behind each hinge of Skeeper's front door he drove back out the back door. After absently snagging an empty beer bottle from a nearby trash can and throwing it through the window of a nearby house Beeper drove around to the front of Skeeper's house and rung the doorbell. Then he quickly backed off behind a hedge and waited. In a moment Moon, another goodcar, drove to the door and opened it.
There was a loud bang and suddenly Moon found himself flattened underneath the heavy front door. Beeper drove off down the street snickering to himself and proceeded to Bop's house. Along the way he ducked into a store and simply drove out with a can of glue. When he got to Bop's house he dumped the glue on the door mat and then threw a rock at the door. Beeper threw several more rocks at Bop's door and when a very angry Bop came out he stuck fast to his door mat. After calling Bop several rude names Beeper drove off towards Badside.
When he got home he installed Skeeper's keyboard and proceeded to type out a very rude email to Skeeper. When he was done typing he printed it out and read it before he sent it. This is what it said:
deer sKeepr
yoo r a stoopid junk heep. iF yoo proseed doun 2 Bopz hows yoo wil probublee find him glood 2 thu dormat, Doo yoo think that yoo kood prchus a nu brane 4 yoo? Beekuz yoo reely need wun. if yoo r wundring about wer yrr keebord went than yoo kan go and tok 2 Imp! he took it. Goodkarz r stoopid dont yoo ugree? yoo no wot yoo r Skeepr? yOO r a stoopud junk heep hoo duznt no wot iz good 4 him. go and run intoo a brik wol at 100 milz an owr. Then yoo wood be a bit smartr. Yood look betr too. Beeper.
"That should do." Beeper said, pressing the send button on his screen. Then he decided to go over and visit Klagbag and play some video games with him. Klagbag had 'Goodcar annihilator', 'Skeeper Squasher' and 'Bop Bomber', all of which where very fun. After that Beeper and Klagbag continued working on their 'Goo Gun' which fired explosive pellets of a very sticky goo.
Late that afternoon Beeper drove up to Skeeper's house. Driving around to the back he entered through the back door. Sneaking over to Skeeper's study he saw Skeeper on the couch talking to Bop.
"Oh Bop, that was horrible," Skeeper was saying, "You where glued to your own door mat for 3 whole hours! I didn't even know about it until I had gone and bought a new keyboard for my computer and checked my email. That horrible badcar Beeper had sent me an email and he said you where glued to your doormat."
"He did?" Bop said, "He was throwing rocks at my front door this morning and when I came out to tell him to stop I stuck to the mat. He must have dumped glue on it deliberately so that I would get stuck to it."
"Naturaly. You know how those badcars are. Always trying to cause trouble and hurt others. Oh here are the cars for the meeting!"
A very dented Moon had just driven into the room, followed by Gold, Winner, Chrome, Cylinders, P9, Cherry, Evergreen, and Seal. All where members of what was generally called Skeeper's 'Inner Circle'. Making sure that he was well hidden in an old laundry basket across the hall Beeper settled down to wait.
The goodcars spend about 45 minutes talking about dull goodcar stuff and Beeper was getting genuinely bored when Skeeper finally offered to bring out the refreshments. Skeeper brought out some punch and a big bowl of cookies. All the cars grabbed some cookies and started eating them. They all complimented Skeeper on how good they where and reached for more. Most of the cars jammed as many as 5 cookies in their mouths at once and where chewing happily when there was a loud explosion from Bop's mouth. Bop let out a howl just as explosions where heard from every other car in the room. Skeeper dropped a cookie he had been holding and accidentally drove on it, only for it to expload and blow his tire to shreds.
"Oh owb!" Skeeper yelled, spitting out bits of cookie and teeth.
"WWWWWWWaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Gold shrieked, "Oab my bour moub!"
"Skeefer Skeefer, by bouth god bload ub!" Bop cried.
"All my teef are all gog." P9 moaned. "How bill I eab?"
"Owf, by mouf hurds" Cherry said, spitting out 5 teeth.
Unable to contain himself any longer Beeper burst out of the laundry basket laughing his head off.
"Haa Haa Haa Haaaa! Stupid dumb goodcars! Haa haa haa haa haaaaa. Hee hee hee hee hee." He shot off down the hallway as Skeeper pushed a large red button inset in the wall. A siren started wailing and the police car came shooting out of the police station and towards Skeeper's house. Porsha came skidding around a corner with a machine gun and started shooting at Beeper's fleeing behind.
"Ow ow owww ow owwwwwww ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!" Beeper howled as he drove directly out of Skeepers living room window, crashed through a flower bed, skidded across the lawn, leaving long gashes in the grass, and crashed through the front gate, machine gun fire peppering his rear end as he went. Pulling several bombs out of what was left of his trunk he flung them behind him. They blew up with dull phut sounds and filled the air with smelly black, purple, green, and red smoke. Smoke bombs. Something came flying out from the smoke and through the open front door. Blue smoke started billowing from Skeeper's front hall and an tinny speaker crackled to life.
"Suckers. Suckers. Suckers. Suckers. Suckers. Suckers" it repeated over and over. Then Beeper's engine was heard revving and he was gone up the street, bullets harmelessly pinging off the asphalt behind him.
When badcars are bored they often times resort to doing what badcars do best. Causing trouble.
Beeper had a bin of small pressure sensitive explosives in one of his weapons rooms and he loaded up his trunk with some of those. Then he drove off towards Goodside. First, he decided, he would pay Skeeper's house a visit. Skeeper was his biggest enemy and besides, Skeeper had a computer. Beeper thought he might cause Skeeper a little trouble and possibly borrow Skeeper's keyboard to replace the one he had smashed. When he reached Skeeper's house he slipped around to the back and drove over to the back door and tried to open it. It was locked, of coarse, so Beeper pulled one of his burglary items out of his trunk. A battery powered drill. Beeper went to work on the lock and in under a minute he had drilled out the lock. Eventually somebody would notice that the door knob was slightly loose, and that there was a large hole in the outside knob, but Beeper really didn't care.
He pulled the door open and slipped inside. Looking around, he saw that he was in a smallish entry way that appeared to open into a kitchen. Driving to the door, Beeper peaked out into the kitchen, which appeared to be deserted. He saw, sitting upon the counter, several large pans of cookies, just ready to be put into the oven. Beeper sat and thought for a moment and then drove over to the counter. Opening his trunk, he selected the largest cookie sheet and started pushing tiny land mines down inside each cookie. He continued to do this for about 5 minutes, until he heard somebody approaching. Closing his trunk he shot out of the kitchen and ducked into a small shower room outside. Peeking out the doorway he saw Skeeper drive into the kitchen and put the cookies in the oven.
"Oh my, these look so good," Skeeper said, "The cars at the meeting tonight will just love them."
Beeper grinned and drove quietly out of the room and off down the hallway toward Skeeper's computer room. He decided that first he would borrow the keyboard and then he would do some more mischief in Goodside. He would halve to remember to come back around when Skeeper's meeting started. Unless he was much mistaken some Goodcars would be getting their teeth blown out that evening.
When Beeper reached Skeeper's computer room he drove straight over to the computer and removed the keyboard. The computer was still on and emitted a loud beep when he pulled the keyboard plug out. Grumbling, he drove out of the room and into Skeeper's bedroom. He was feeling a bit hungry so he drove underneath Skeeper's huge bead and proceeded to knaw the underside of the bed so that anyone who got on it would fall right through it. Then he drove over to the light switch and removed the cover. Being careful to stay away from the wires, Beeper inserted one of his explosives and then put the cover back on. As he drove out of the room he wondered how Skeeper would like his light switch blowing up when he turned the light on next.
Beeper drove around the house a little more and rigged about 10 more light switches. Then after wedging an bomb behind each hinge of Skeeper's front door he drove back out the back door. After absently snagging an empty beer bottle from a nearby trash can and throwing it through the window of a nearby house Beeper drove around to the front of Skeeper's house and rung the doorbell. Then he quickly backed off behind a hedge and waited. In a moment Moon, another goodcar, drove to the door and opened it.
There was a loud bang and suddenly Moon found himself flattened underneath the heavy front door. Beeper drove off down the street snickering to himself and proceeded to Bop's house. Along the way he ducked into a store and simply drove out with a can of glue. When he got to Bop's house he dumped the glue on the door mat and then threw a rock at the door. Beeper threw several more rocks at Bop's door and when a very angry Bop came out he stuck fast to his door mat. After calling Bop several rude names Beeper drove off towards Badside.
When he got home he installed Skeeper's keyboard and proceeded to type out a very rude email to Skeeper. When he was done typing he printed it out and read it before he sent it. This is what it said:
deer sKeepr
yoo r a stoopid junk heep. iF yoo proseed doun 2 Bopz hows yoo wil probublee find him glood 2 thu dormat, Doo yoo think that yoo kood prchus a nu brane 4 yoo? Beekuz yoo reely need wun. if yoo r wundring about wer yrr keebord went than yoo kan go and tok 2 Imp! he took it. Goodkarz r stoopid dont yoo ugree? yoo no wot yoo r Skeepr? yOO r a stoopud junk heep hoo duznt no wot iz good 4 him. go and run intoo a brik wol at 100 milz an owr. Then yoo wood be a bit smartr. Yood look betr too. Beeper.
"That should do." Beeper said, pressing the send button on his screen. Then he decided to go over and visit Klagbag and play some video games with him. Klagbag had 'Goodcar annihilator', 'Skeeper Squasher' and 'Bop Bomber', all of which where very fun. After that Beeper and Klagbag continued working on their 'Goo Gun' which fired explosive pellets of a very sticky goo.
Late that afternoon Beeper drove up to Skeeper's house. Driving around to the back he entered through the back door. Sneaking over to Skeeper's study he saw Skeeper on the couch talking to Bop.
"Oh Bop, that was horrible," Skeeper was saying, "You where glued to your own door mat for 3 whole hours! I didn't even know about it until I had gone and bought a new keyboard for my computer and checked my email. That horrible badcar Beeper had sent me an email and he said you where glued to your doormat."
"He did?" Bop said, "He was throwing rocks at my front door this morning and when I came out to tell him to stop I stuck to the mat. He must have dumped glue on it deliberately so that I would get stuck to it."
"Naturaly. You know how those badcars are. Always trying to cause trouble and hurt others. Oh here are the cars for the meeting!"
A very dented Moon had just driven into the room, followed by Gold, Winner, Chrome, Cylinders, P9, Cherry, Evergreen, and Seal. All where members of what was generally called Skeeper's 'Inner Circle'. Making sure that he was well hidden in an old laundry basket across the hall Beeper settled down to wait.
The goodcars spend about 45 minutes talking about dull goodcar stuff and Beeper was getting genuinely bored when Skeeper finally offered to bring out the refreshments. Skeeper brought out some punch and a big bowl of cookies. All the cars grabbed some cookies and started eating them. They all complimented Skeeper on how good they where and reached for more. Most of the cars jammed as many as 5 cookies in their mouths at once and where chewing happily when there was a loud explosion from Bop's mouth. Bop let out a howl just as explosions where heard from every other car in the room. Skeeper dropped a cookie he had been holding and accidentally drove on it, only for it to expload and blow his tire to shreds.
"Oh owb!" Skeeper yelled, spitting out bits of cookie and teeth.
"WWWWWWWaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Gold shrieked, "Oab my bour moub!"
"Skeefer Skeefer, by bouth god bload ub!" Bop cried.
"All my teef are all gog." P9 moaned. "How bill I eab?"
"Owf, by mouf hurds" Cherry said, spitting out 5 teeth.
Unable to contain himself any longer Beeper burst out of the laundry basket laughing his head off.
"Haa Haa Haa Haaaa! Stupid dumb goodcars! Haa haa haa haa haaaaa. Hee hee hee hee hee." He shot off down the hallway as Skeeper pushed a large red button inset in the wall. A siren started wailing and the police car came shooting out of the police station and towards Skeeper's house. Porsha came skidding around a corner with a machine gun and started shooting at Beeper's fleeing behind.
"Ow ow owww ow owwwwwww ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!" Beeper howled as he drove directly out of Skeepers living room window, crashed through a flower bed, skidded across the lawn, leaving long gashes in the grass, and crashed through the front gate, machine gun fire peppering his rear end as he went. Pulling several bombs out of what was left of his trunk he flung them behind him. They blew up with dull phut sounds and filled the air with smelly black, purple, green, and red smoke. Smoke bombs. Something came flying out from the smoke and through the open front door. Blue smoke started billowing from Skeeper's front hall and an tinny speaker crackled to life.
"Suckers. Suckers. Suckers. Suckers. Suckers. Suckers" it repeated over and over. Then Beeper's engine was heard revving and he was gone up the street, bullets harmelessly pinging off the asphalt behind him.
Otto
Last Thursday we had to have our dog Otto put to sleep. For close to 2 weeks he hadn't been able to eat hardly anything. He couldn't eat his dog food, he just scattered it all over the porch. We tried feeding him rice and he was sort of able to eat that, but he still had a very hard time, even when we pored milk on it. Dad and I took a look at him and found that his lymph nodes and his tonsils where very swollen. A couple of days later we decided to take him to the vet, especially since he was slowly starving since he couldn't eat hardly anything. The vet looked at him and told us that he probably had cancer. He said that we could either take him home or have him put to sleep. He would live for maybe 2 weeks or so if we took him home, and would simply starve to death as he physically could not swallow. We decided to have him put to sleep, as we felt that was better than him starving to death.
Now I kind of wish that we had taken his body home. And stayed with him while they did it.
Now I kind of wish that we had taken his body home. And stayed with him while they did it.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
The Diary of the Mad Duck
This is an excerpt from the diary of Molfoy, the mad drake. It is not entirely true but about 98% of it happens almost every day.
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It is morning and the stupid human has finally let me and Sweethart out of that tiny little cage where he locks us up all night long for some odd reason. He is feeding those annoying, stupid geese at the moment. Those geese are very annoying because they tend to peck me if I get to close to them or if I don't run off when they waddle up to me. They waddle a whole lot and look ridiculous when they walk, unlike me. I don't waddle at all and look great when I walk. Geese are very stupid too. They can't seem to understand that the one purpose of ones life is to breed as many other birds as you can possibly do. They tend to get annoyed when I manage to catch one of the other drakes anywhere near them and tend to attack me when I am right in the middle of breeding.
I stick around for about 5 minutes while the human is still in the pen and hurry to eat some food that the human has put on the ground before those dopy geese can get to it. Then I pass the time by chasing that sorry excuse for a duck Smut around the pen. When I finally catch him I pull some of his few remaining feathers out and am just settling down to breed him when the human appears. I barely manage to get out of the way as he kicks at me, and Smut streekes off across the pen. Oh boo hoo hoo. It's like this whenever the human is around. He always disrupts my breeding sessions, usually with his foot, and calls me all sorts of names, usually including 'filthy fowl', 'nutty excuse for a quacker box', and 'cursed nut-case'.
After the human is gone I hurry over to the hen pen, with Sweethart following behind me, and start trying to breed a hen through the chicken wire fence. I so hope that one of those worthless humans will let the poor hens out of their jail today. Imagine having to go a hole day without any drakes jumping on you! I find it very hard to go 5 minutes without jumping on somebody. I have just settled down by the hen pen to wait when the human comes by on his bike. He sees me and slams on the brakes so hard that he nearly crashes. I hurry off and duck under the fence to one of the goat pens nearby, but not until human has nearly managed to drive on my tail end with his great filthy bicycle.
I hang around in the goat pen until the human is gone. He sees Sweethart and goes careening off after him. Sweethart isn't as smart as I am and just goes running toward the stoopid goose pen. Then he tryes to be smart and ducks into the area in front of the milk parlor. About a minute later the human comes back out holding Sweethart by his neck. He gets onto his bike and heads off to the goose pen, where he slings Sweethart into the goose pen. Musket, one of the other drakes, promptly takes his chance and jumpes on Sweethart before he can run away. The human nearly manages to run both Musket and Sweethart over with his bike this time.
After a while Sweethart comes back over to the hen pen. He tells me that he has been jumped on no less than 3 times by Musket, 2 times by Shmidt, and 4 times by both Musket and Shmidt at the same time. We spend most of the morning loafing around the hen pen and trying to breed hens through the fence while we wait for them to be let out. Sometime around the middle of the day I hear someone coming. When I go to look I see the human walking towards the pen. I quickly duck under the fence to the goat pen and Sweethart follows. The human goes over to the hen-jail door and opens it. The hens promptly come running out, and, after checking to make sure that they are all out, the human walkes off.
Oh the joy! I have finally have hens to jump on! I exit the goat pen as fast as I possibly can and take off after those hens. I finally catch up with them and promptly catch a nice hen. I settle down to breeding her and after a little while I go off and catch a different hen and breed her too. Sweethart is busy breeding hens too. We have a full half-hour of solid hen-chasing and then I stop to rest for a few minutes. A small flock of geese comes walking over. I think that this is the goose Miah's flock, as all the birds are brownish instead of white. There are 4 goslings with this flock and several of them come close to me. I am feeling good and decide to give these ignorant young geese some good advice.
"Hey goosies!" I call. They look up. "Do you want some words of good advice?" They stop to think for a few seconds.
"Yes, dumb ducky" they say.
"Ok, here are the words of advice: Always, Always, try to breed as many birds as is remotely possible. That is life's one and only purpose. Let me repeat. The most important thing in the whole world is making sure that you breed as many birds as possible."
The goslings look at each other. "Boy, this duck needs a new head," one of them says. "Yeh, I think that he's rreeeaaaallyy nuts," another says. "Look, his thing's hanging out, I think that he's damaged in both ends. Especially the head end." says the last one.
That makes me a bit mad. I walk right up to the goslings and start ripping their down out as hard as I can. They start shrieking and trying to run away. I peck one hard on the head and it stumbles off looking dazed, only to run face first into the wheel of the pickup truck. I grab another one by the neck and -----.
I wake up much later. I am laying on my back on the ground near the pickup truck. My head hurts and I feel like I am covered in bruises. I manage to struggle to my feet and look around at myself. The top of my head is bald, my wings are missing about half of their feathers, and the feathers on my underside are rather sparce. I remember now. The goose Miah had dissaprooved of my beating her goslings up.
Suddenly I realize what time it is. It is evening and about the time when the humans come out to do chors. That means that I have gone a whole 4 and a half hours without breeding anything. I must find a hen if it's the last thing I do. Must find hen, must find hen, must find hen. I run off toward the hen pen as fast as I can. Hen. Hen. Hen. Hen. Must find hen. Must find hen. The hens are sitting around infront of their pen. Hens! Hens! Hens! I race off as fast as I can go and am busy breeding a surprised hen about 30 seconds later. After I'm done with her I race off and jump on another hen-- only to be wrenched up from on top of her by my neck. The human is standing their looking very angry.
"Stupid filthy crazy nut-case fowl." he says. "You just wait, you filthy dung bag. We've got the hatchet and pretty soon we'll have the time and then you may find yourself a little short of neck, turdy birdy." That was followed by several minutes of cursing, before the human finally walked off, carrying me by my neck, and slung me into the little cage where he puts us at night. Oh those poor hens.
I must breed somebody. Oh arg, everybody breedable is on the other side of the wire. Oh! MUST BREED. MUST FIND HEN. MUST BREED. MUST JUMP ON DRAKE. MUST BREED SOMETHING. MUST BREED. MUST BREED. MUST BREED. MUST BREED.
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Molfoy continues like this for several hours before he gets so tired that he goes to sleep trying to get through the wire.
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It is morning and the stupid human has finally let me and Sweethart out of that tiny little cage where he locks us up all night long for some odd reason. He is feeding those annoying, stupid geese at the moment. Those geese are very annoying because they tend to peck me if I get to close to them or if I don't run off when they waddle up to me. They waddle a whole lot and look ridiculous when they walk, unlike me. I don't waddle at all and look great when I walk. Geese are very stupid too. They can't seem to understand that the one purpose of ones life is to breed as many other birds as you can possibly do. They tend to get annoyed when I manage to catch one of the other drakes anywhere near them and tend to attack me when I am right in the middle of breeding.
I stick around for about 5 minutes while the human is still in the pen and hurry to eat some food that the human has put on the ground before those dopy geese can get to it. Then I pass the time by chasing that sorry excuse for a duck Smut around the pen. When I finally catch him I pull some of his few remaining feathers out and am just settling down to breed him when the human appears. I barely manage to get out of the way as he kicks at me, and Smut streekes off across the pen. Oh boo hoo hoo. It's like this whenever the human is around. He always disrupts my breeding sessions, usually with his foot, and calls me all sorts of names, usually including 'filthy fowl', 'nutty excuse for a quacker box', and 'cursed nut-case'.
After the human is gone I hurry over to the hen pen, with Sweethart following behind me, and start trying to breed a hen through the chicken wire fence. I so hope that one of those worthless humans will let the poor hens out of their jail today. Imagine having to go a hole day without any drakes jumping on you! I find it very hard to go 5 minutes without jumping on somebody. I have just settled down by the hen pen to wait when the human comes by on his bike. He sees me and slams on the brakes so hard that he nearly crashes. I hurry off and duck under the fence to one of the goat pens nearby, but not until human has nearly managed to drive on my tail end with his great filthy bicycle.
I hang around in the goat pen until the human is gone. He sees Sweethart and goes careening off after him. Sweethart isn't as smart as I am and just goes running toward the stoopid goose pen. Then he tryes to be smart and ducks into the area in front of the milk parlor. About a minute later the human comes back out holding Sweethart by his neck. He gets onto his bike and heads off to the goose pen, where he slings Sweethart into the goose pen. Musket, one of the other drakes, promptly takes his chance and jumpes on Sweethart before he can run away. The human nearly manages to run both Musket and Sweethart over with his bike this time.
After a while Sweethart comes back over to the hen pen. He tells me that he has been jumped on no less than 3 times by Musket, 2 times by Shmidt, and 4 times by both Musket and Shmidt at the same time. We spend most of the morning loafing around the hen pen and trying to breed hens through the fence while we wait for them to be let out. Sometime around the middle of the day I hear someone coming. When I go to look I see the human walking towards the pen. I quickly duck under the fence to the goat pen and Sweethart follows. The human goes over to the hen-jail door and opens it. The hens promptly come running out, and, after checking to make sure that they are all out, the human walkes off.
Oh the joy! I have finally have hens to jump on! I exit the goat pen as fast as I possibly can and take off after those hens. I finally catch up with them and promptly catch a nice hen. I settle down to breeding her and after a little while I go off and catch a different hen and breed her too. Sweethart is busy breeding hens too. We have a full half-hour of solid hen-chasing and then I stop to rest for a few minutes. A small flock of geese comes walking over. I think that this is the goose Miah's flock, as all the birds are brownish instead of white. There are 4 goslings with this flock and several of them come close to me. I am feeling good and decide to give these ignorant young geese some good advice.
"Hey goosies!" I call. They look up. "Do you want some words of good advice?" They stop to think for a few seconds.
"Yes, dumb ducky" they say.
"Ok, here are the words of advice: Always, Always, try to breed as many birds as is remotely possible. That is life's one and only purpose. Let me repeat. The most important thing in the whole world is making sure that you breed as many birds as possible."
The goslings look at each other. "Boy, this duck needs a new head," one of them says. "Yeh, I think that he's rreeeaaaallyy nuts," another says. "Look, his thing's hanging out, I think that he's damaged in both ends. Especially the head end." says the last one.
That makes me a bit mad. I walk right up to the goslings and start ripping their down out as hard as I can. They start shrieking and trying to run away. I peck one hard on the head and it stumbles off looking dazed, only to run face first into the wheel of the pickup truck. I grab another one by the neck and -----.
I wake up much later. I am laying on my back on the ground near the pickup truck. My head hurts and I feel like I am covered in bruises. I manage to struggle to my feet and look around at myself. The top of my head is bald, my wings are missing about half of their feathers, and the feathers on my underside are rather sparce. I remember now. The goose Miah had dissaprooved of my beating her goslings up.
Suddenly I realize what time it is. It is evening and about the time when the humans come out to do chors. That means that I have gone a whole 4 and a half hours without breeding anything. I must find a hen if it's the last thing I do. Must find hen, must find hen, must find hen. I run off toward the hen pen as fast as I can. Hen. Hen. Hen. Hen. Must find hen. Must find hen. The hens are sitting around infront of their pen. Hens! Hens! Hens! I race off as fast as I can go and am busy breeding a surprised hen about 30 seconds later. After I'm done with her I race off and jump on another hen-- only to be wrenched up from on top of her by my neck. The human is standing their looking very angry.
"Stupid filthy crazy nut-case fowl." he says. "You just wait, you filthy dung bag. We've got the hatchet and pretty soon we'll have the time and then you may find yourself a little short of neck, turdy birdy." That was followed by several minutes of cursing, before the human finally walked off, carrying me by my neck, and slung me into the little cage where he puts us at night. Oh those poor hens.
I must breed somebody. Oh arg, everybody breedable is on the other side of the wire. Oh! MUST BREED. MUST FIND HEN. MUST BREED. MUST JUMP ON DRAKE. MUST BREED SOMETHING. MUST BREED. MUST BREED. MUST BREED. MUST BREED.
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Molfoy continues like this for several hours before he gets so tired that he goes to sleep trying to get through the wire.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Eeny meeny miny moe, a nest full of rotten eggs.
My brown china goose, Athena, finally managed to "hatch" one of her eggs. She had been sitting on her nest for over 5 weeks. Brown china eggs are supposed to hatch after 28-34 days, Athena had been sitting on the nest for over 40 days.
About a week ago my sister was feeding the geese. Part of feeding the geese was putting some food in the brooder for Athena. Keely called me over to the brooder and it was rather obvious why. It stank. I pried the protesting china off her nest and forcefully removed her from the brooder. Somehow she had managed to break one of her eggs. It was full of what appeared to be green goo and it smelled, well, like rotten egg. I removed her other eggs and put them in the compost as I was sure that they where rotten too. Next I opened the lid to the brooder house so that it could air out and closed the door so that Athena couldn't come back to her nest.
She is very skinny from spending all that time on the nest (they hardly eat at all when they are setting), but she seems to be eating again. She seems to be rather aloof from the rest of the flock most of the time but at least she's off the nest. I think what happened was that although the eggs where fertile when she layed them it was also very cold outside. The eggs must have froze before she started setting on them. Maybe you'll have better luck next year, Athena.
<()>
About a week ago my sister was feeding the geese. Part of feeding the geese was putting some food in the brooder for Athena. Keely called me over to the brooder and it was rather obvious why. It stank. I pried the protesting china off her nest and forcefully removed her from the brooder. Somehow she had managed to break one of her eggs. It was full of what appeared to be green goo and it smelled, well, like rotten egg. I removed her other eggs and put them in the compost as I was sure that they where rotten too. Next I opened the lid to the brooder house so that it could air out and closed the door so that Athena couldn't come back to her nest.
She is very skinny from spending all that time on the nest (they hardly eat at all when they are setting), but she seems to be eating again. She seems to be rather aloof from the rest of the flock most of the time but at least she's off the nest. I think what happened was that although the eggs where fertile when she layed them it was also very cold outside. The eggs must have froze before she started setting on them. Maybe you'll have better luck next year, Athena.
<()>
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Evil sister
My sister is a evil little brat about 95% of the time. She is always trying to find a way to either make me do her work, get me in trouble, or make what I am doing many times harder to do. She has never heard of actually helping someone, much preferring to come up with about 50 excuses for why she can't, or won't help. She always has something else she needs to do, or she can't help, or quite often she simply doesn't feel like it. She loves the clock, often looking at it every 50 seconds or so, and she has a great big tantrum if she gets even 5 minutes late.
She views it as her duty to make absolutely sure that I do everything that I'm supposed to do exactly when I'm supposed to do it exactly how she thinks it's supposed to be done. Often it's like this:
Evil Brat: "Have you played your music?"
Me: "I--"
Evil Brat: "You haven't."
Me: "How do you know?"
Evil Brat: "Mom! Mom! Jason hasn't played his music!"
Mom: "Jason, go play your music, now."
Evil Brat: "Mom! Jason's getting up off the piano bench!"
Me: "I am not."
Evil Brat: "Mom! Jason's getting up again!"
Me: "Shut up."
Evil Brat: "Mom! Mom! Jason called me a name! And he's up again!"
Evil Brat: "Mom! Jason isn't playing his next song."
Evil Brat: "Mom! Jason is tipping the piano bench."
Evil Brat: "Mom! Jason got up again!"
She also thinks that whenever she doesn't feel like doing something, all she needs to do is not do it and I will end up having to do it. Often, after I have closed the gate to the goose pen for the night, she decides that she wants to go in the goose pen. She opens the gate, goes in the goose pen, comes back out, and heads off to do something else.
"Keely, please close the gate."
"I don't feel like it. The geese can just roam around outside tonight."
Obviously I have to go back outside and close the gate myself. Yesterday we were doing the morning chores. Keely looks at her watch. She walks over to dad.
"I'm out of time, may I go in?"
Then she zips off into the house. This is what I have left to do:
Now, today, I have close to 2 hours of writing and 50 minutes of boring reading to do. There is not supposed to be any school today. Evil Mrs. Keely is loafing around the house, playing, messing around with her computer, and trying her best to distract me with loud noises and to read this post over my shoulder. AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGG!!!!!! CURSED, BRATTY, EVIL LITTLE GIRL.
She views it as her duty to make absolutely sure that I do everything that I'm supposed to do exactly when I'm supposed to do it exactly how she thinks it's supposed to be done. Often it's like this:
Evil Brat: "Have you played your music?"
Me: "I--"
Evil Brat: "You haven't."
Me: "How do you know?"
Evil Brat: "Mom! Mom! Jason hasn't played his music!"
Mom: "Jason, go play your music, now."
Evil Brat: "Mom! Jason's getting up off the piano bench!"
Me: "I am not."
Evil Brat: "Mom! Jason's getting up again!"
Me: "Shut up."
Evil Brat: "Mom! Mom! Jason called me a name! And he's up again!"
Evil Brat: "Mom! Jason isn't playing his next song."
Evil Brat: "Mom! Jason is tipping the piano bench."
Evil Brat: "Mom! Jason got up again!"
She also thinks that whenever she doesn't feel like doing something, all she needs to do is not do it and I will end up having to do it. Often, after I have closed the gate to the goose pen for the night, she decides that she wants to go in the goose pen. She opens the gate, goes in the goose pen, comes back out, and heads off to do something else.
"Keely, please close the gate."
"I don't feel like it. The geese can just roam around outside tonight."
Obviously I have to go back outside and close the gate myself. Yesterday we were doing the morning chores. Keely looks at her watch. She walks over to dad.
"I'm out of time, may I go in?"
Then she zips off into the house. This is what I have left to do:
- Milk one of the goats.
- Get the goat bowls out of the buck pen.
- Put grain in the goat bowls for the doelings and 2 bucklings.
- Put hay pellets in each bowl.
- Take the bowls over to the goat pen and set them out.
- Get the leashes ready to tie the goats up with.
- Let the 2 bucklings out of the doeling pen so they can eat.
- Tie the 2 bucklings up.
- Let the little doeling out so she can eat from her bowl outside.
- Go into the pen and give the rest of the doelings their food bowls.
- Tie up the doelings in the pen so they don't steal each other's food.
- Tie up the small doeling outside.
- Go get the hair brushes and brush the 2 bucklings.
- Brush the doelings.
- Put the brush away.
- Wait for the doelings to finish eating.
- Go around and collect the empty food bowls.
- Untie the doelings.
- Untie the 2 bucklings and put them back in the doeling pen.
- Collect the leashes and bowls and take them over to the milk parlor.
- Hang up the leashes on the wall.
- Wash out the goat bowls.
- Dump the dirty water out of all of the water containers in the goose pen.
- Fill up the water containers with fresh water.
- Get the 2 geese that are over by the goat barn.
- Feed the geese.
- Turn off the water and put the ramp for the goslings into the big water container.
- Let the 2 crazy drake ducks out of their cage for the day.
- Ask dad if I may go in.
Now, today, I have close to 2 hours of writing and 50 minutes of boring reading to do. There is not supposed to be any school today. Evil Mrs. Keely is loafing around the house, playing, messing around with her computer, and trying her best to distract me with loud noises and to read this post over my shoulder. AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGG!!!!!! CURSED, BRATTY, EVIL LITTLE GIRL.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
The Race
Here is another Beeper story.
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The Race
Everything was peaceful in Goodside, goodcars going about their daily business, chatting, and just driving around and looking at the sights. Bop was sitting in front of Paint Heaven talking to Moon and Gold, the manager of Paint Heaven, was busy trying to sell a new paint brush to Caddy, a large Cadillac.
Suddenly a roaring sound, like several engines revving, was heard on the edge of Badside. Nobody paid much attention, as badcars where constantly making loud noises, but then the sound began to grow louder. A few more cars looked around, but nobody was paying much attention - until 4 cars skidded around the corner, kicking up a cloud of dust and leaving skid marks on the pavement. The cars where Yeyron, a fast black and red race car from Badside, Musty, a hopped up Ford Mustang with 2 huge carburetors sticking up above his hood, Arrow, a slightly smaller car who was a bit pointier but very similar to Yeyron, and Spider, a car who had 2 large jet engines in back and was one of the chief cars in Sinder's Band. They appeared to be having a race and where all in the process of trying to go even faster than they already where and to cause each other to crash.
As Musty skidded around the corner, running into the curb and tipping momentarily onto 2 wheels before thudding back onto all 4 and careening back into the middle of the street pandemonium broke out among the goodcars. Bop jammed himself into high gear, taking off into the street in a cloud of smoke smelling of burnt rubber. Moon just sat their and gawked, before a panicked Jinx collided with him and sent him crashing into the front window of Paint Heaven. Gold fell off his stool behind the desk in Paint Heaven and dented his left front door on the floor.
Yeyron took off down the middle of the street, dodging goodcars and completely ignoring the street rules. Spider lit off his jet engines and took off down the left side of the street like a bullet, only to collide with Wheels, the goodcar drag racer, and go shooting up him like a ramp. Spider shot into the air and crashed down again on top of Dumper, a dump truck. Musty drove up on the sidewalk and went zooming on up it until he sideswiped a fire hydrant, broke it off, and was hurled into the air by the high pressure stream of water. Arrow contented himself with following Yeyron, until Yeyron hit a pot-hole and went skidding through the cracked front window of Paint Heaven howling about his sprung suspension.
Gold was sitting on his stool again, inspecting the dent in his door and moaning about badcars and racing and no consideration when Yeyron came careening through the front window. Gold looked up from his mirror and shrieked as he saw a large badcar coming down the isle at top speed, knocking paint cans off the shelves and leaving tire tracks on the floor. He shrieked as Yeyron went skidding towards the counter, spinning his wheels and cursing. Yeyron managed to miss the counter but he hit the stool that Gold was sitting on, snapping all 4 legs clean off. Gold screamed as he fell nose first onto the glass counter, only to punch through it and find himself standing on his nose in the middle of his paint-brush display amid bits of broken glass. Yeyron went zooming off through the back room knocking things over as he went, and right out the back door, leaving a large hole in the middle of it where he had exited.
to be continued . . .
Suddenly a roaring sound, like several engines revving, was heard on the edge of Badside. Nobody paid much attention, as badcars where constantly making loud noises, but then the sound began to grow louder. A few more cars looked around, but nobody was paying much attention - until 4 cars skidded around the corner, kicking up a cloud of dust and leaving skid marks on the pavement. The cars where Yeyron, a fast black and red race car from Badside, Musty, a hopped up Ford Mustang with 2 huge carburetors sticking up above his hood, Arrow, a slightly smaller car who was a bit pointier but very similar to Yeyron, and Spider, a car who had 2 large jet engines in back and was one of the chief cars in Sinder's Band. They appeared to be having a race and where all in the process of trying to go even faster than they already where and to cause each other to crash.
As Musty skidded around the corner, running into the curb and tipping momentarily onto 2 wheels before thudding back onto all 4 and careening back into the middle of the street pandemonium broke out among the goodcars. Bop jammed himself into high gear, taking off into the street in a cloud of smoke smelling of burnt rubber. Moon just sat their and gawked, before a panicked Jinx collided with him and sent him crashing into the front window of Paint Heaven. Gold fell off his stool behind the desk in Paint Heaven and dented his left front door on the floor.
Yeyron took off down the middle of the street, dodging goodcars and completely ignoring the street rules. Spider lit off his jet engines and took off down the left side of the street like a bullet, only to collide with Wheels, the goodcar drag racer, and go shooting up him like a ramp. Spider shot into the air and crashed down again on top of Dumper, a dump truck. Musty drove up on the sidewalk and went zooming on up it until he sideswiped a fire hydrant, broke it off, and was hurled into the air by the high pressure stream of water. Arrow contented himself with following Yeyron, until Yeyron hit a pot-hole and went skidding through the cracked front window of Paint Heaven howling about his sprung suspension.
Gold was sitting on his stool again, inspecting the dent in his door and moaning about badcars and racing and no consideration when Yeyron came careening through the front window. Gold looked up from his mirror and shrieked as he saw a large badcar coming down the isle at top speed, knocking paint cans off the shelves and leaving tire tracks on the floor. He shrieked as Yeyron went skidding towards the counter, spinning his wheels and cursing. Yeyron managed to miss the counter but he hit the stool that Gold was sitting on, snapping all 4 legs clean off. Gold screamed as he fell nose first onto the glass counter, only to punch through it and find himself standing on his nose in the middle of his paint-brush display amid bits of broken glass. Yeyron went zooming off through the back room knocking things over as he went, and right out the back door, leaving a large hole in the middle of it where he had exited.
to be continued . . .
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